Midlife Cruiser T-Shirts

'A skateboarder at 42! I am in AWE of your insurance!'

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"Your contents have shifted."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

The Slug Replaces the Cheetah as the Fastest Animal on Earth.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'It's St Patrick's Day...I thought you called this car your lucky charm??!'

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Rock and Roll

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Altar Ego

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

Tragedy and Remedy.

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

'But my mom says that 40 is the new 30.'

"Over the river and through a ridiculous detour that has us in the middle of who-knows-where, to Grandfather’s house we go!"

Sports car.

"I used to be innocent. Then I was naive. Now I'm just dumb."

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

Now Entering Wyoming (or one of those other rectangular states that are out west someplace).