Midlife Cruiser T-Shirts

'A skateboarder at 42! I am in AWE of your insurance!'

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"Your contents have shifted."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

The Slug Replaces the Cheetah as the Fastest Animal on Earth.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

'It's St Patrick's Day...I thought you called this car your lucky charm??!'

Rock and Roll

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

Menopause and the City

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Altar Ego

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Tragedy and Remedy.

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

"Over the river and through a ridiculous detour that has us in the middle of who-knows-where, to Grandfather’s house we go!"

I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to

'But my mom says that 40 is the new 30.'

Parkour for the over-40s.

'Dad, what were you like when you weren't a kid?'

He comes by sometimes to tell me he quit my job, bought a convertible and is going to open a brewpub. Midlife crisis actor.

"This next one's for you, babe."

Sports car.

"I used to be innocent. Then I was naive. Now I'm just dumb."

Now Entering Wyoming (or one of those other rectangular states that are out west someplace).