Middle-age Marvel Pillows

'No batteries needed, but you have to be menopausal to make them work.'

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

Classic Movie Remakes (for people your age)

"Norman still has seventies flashbacks sometimes."

'Would it kill you to go for a computer upgrade?'

Hot flashes

'Well, if they don't go chuff chuff anymore. . . how do they go?'

'Dang.'

Luke Warm & Over E-Z: The World's Blandest Rappers.

'You know you're 40 when...'

'I've reached that age where I've given up on Mind Over Matter and am concentrating on Mind Over Bladder.'

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

"Susanna Explaining Broadband to the Elders."

"You're not losing your hair Dad, it's right here in your comb."

Less is less

The Fountain of Menopause

'She says she's 40 but she's forgotten to add on the V.A.T.!'

"I'm not actually 40 this year but that's the birthday I celebrate every year."

Live: Middle Aged Men

"Admit it, Mary. You've been having hot flashes, again, haven't you?"

"You did that just to be a jerk."

"I'm not kidding, Phil! You really ARE the poster child for middle-aged, disillusioned and down-hearted businessmen everywhere!"

'Now, why did I cross over here?' Middle-aged Chicken.

Life Begins at 40

'Even though I'm in my fifties I feel I'm in the prime of life.'

'You can always spot the ones having a mid-life crisis.'

You say you had a misspent youth? Yeah, and I'm doing my middle age on credit.

Modern Wonders...Wireless Man