Middle Age Champions Pillows

"I'm not actually 40 this year but that's the birthday I celebrate every year."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

Old Karate Master

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"The cape comes off too."

"I need something that says, 'Let's party,' but in a fiscally responsible manner."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

Classic Movie Remakes (for people your age)

"Now that I'm getting older it takes more than a single bound to leap a tall building."

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

You know you're getting old... when your barber spends more time on your eyebrows and ears than on the hairs on your head.

Hot flashes

"Do you want anything? I'm going into the kitchen to forget what I went in there for."

"Let's face it,Rhoda-you're no spring chicken yourself!"

'So June, do you think we should get a stairlift or just move to a bungalow...because, let's face it, we're getting on and here will come a point...when you won't be able to carry me up the stairs anymore.'

'I can't remember. Edith, am I forgetful?'

'Someone told him life begins at forty. Now he's reserving his energies!'

'Ecce homo!'

'Take ten years off the top.'

"I signed up for 'Dressage Without the Horse.'"

'Prove it.'

'I used to live for the moment, but now I'm comfortable waiting 3 to 5 business days.'

'You know you're 40 when...'

'I've reached that age where I've given up on Mind Over Matter and am concentrating on Mind Over Bladder.'

'Jason and I are absolutely incompatible. We're both going through the menopause.'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

'I'm at the point in life where I don't care about the past, I live in the moment.'

'You look younger...are you colouring your hair?'

"No, actually. 40 is the new 60."

'I want some that are past their best for her fiftieth birthday.'