Microbial Conversationalist T-Shirts

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

"I've never had a bird's eye view of anything."

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"Do you think the birds like me?"

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"I like keeping bees, but it's so hard keeping all their names straight."

"Dunno...they all look the same to me..."

'Walking your pet amoeba again, Henry?'

"Of course working from home is different. . ."

'I don't care how smart you think you are, you're still a bird brain.'

"I'm expected for dinner around seven. Other than that I'm completely free."

"Killer? Is that what they call us? Eh don't say killer tiger or killer charm or killer wolf."

"... and the fact that I ain't never caught a rabbit should have no bearing on our friendship."

"If a tree falls in the forest and no-one hears it.".... "Then your illegal logging business is a success."

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

"It's not the walking — it's the waiting."

'Oh, I'm not looking for Gold, I'm checking for bear-traps...'

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

'I love your bangs.'

'Do you know something? If I couldn't eat, I would just die!'

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

'Do they put up signs that say, 'Do not feed the moose.'?...'

'Woof, woof, woof - but I'm paraphrasing.'

Tough germ.

Friendly bacteria of the human gut.

"Species loss has hit him hard."

'I'm not coming here again Doctor Melrose. I'd rather talk to my plants.'

"Phil is my Vice President in Charge of Snappy Comebacks."

"Doctor, I find you very easy to talk to."

'I'm just sayin', with this cute little face and my big fluffy tail, I never really thought of myself as vermin!'

"One time, in Lima, Peru, I was nearly squashed by a taxi. So, you see, I understand what it's like. Do you enjoy Jeff Goldblum?" "The horsefly whisperer"