Microbial Conversationalist T-Shirts

"Can you believe him? He couldn't break up with me face to face. Oh, no...he had to text me!"

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

"I've never had a bird's eye view of anything."

"I had an Android, then I switched to an iPhone. Then I went back to an Android, then I switched back to the iPhone. . ."

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"Do you think the birds like me?"

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

"Dunno...they all look the same to me..."

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

"I like keeping bees, but it's so hard keeping all their names straight."

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

'Walking your pet amoeba again, Henry?'

"Of course working from home is different. . ."

'I don't care how smart you think you are, you're still a bird brain.'

"If a tree falls in the forest and no-one hears it.".... "Then your illegal logging business is a success."

Tomorrow's our first eco club meeting. Yeah, I'm nervous! There are so many big issues!

"I'm expected for dinner around seven. Other than that I'm completely free."

"Killer? Is that what they call us? Eh don't say killer tiger or killer charm or killer wolf."

"... and the fact that I ain't never caught a rabbit should have no bearing on our friendship."

"It's not the walking — it's the waiting."

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

'Oh, I'm not looking for Gold, I'm checking for bear-traps...'

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

'Do you know something? If I couldn't eat, I would just die!'

'I love your bangs.'

'Do they put up signs that say, 'Do not feed the moose.'?...'

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

'Woof, woof, woof - but I'm paraphrasing.'

Tough germ.

Friendly bacteria of the human gut.

"Species loss has hit him hard."

'I'm not coming here again Doctor Melrose. I'd rather talk to my plants.'

'I'm just sayin', with this cute little face and my big fluffy tail, I never really thought of myself as vermin!'

"Turns out I'm not the wise old paramecium I thought I was."

"One time, in Lima, Peru, I was nearly squashed by a taxi. So, you see, I understand what it's like. Do you enjoy Jeff Goldblum?" "The horsefly whisperer"