Michelin-star-wannabe T-Shirts

"Did you just say Michael Pollan? Oh my god, I love Michael Pollan!"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

Zorro as a child.

A smiling man leaning on large piggy bank.

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

Tom Cruise

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'The 'most improved player of the year award' or the 'you don't suck as much as you did last year award' goes to...'

'I could have been the next Neil Young, but my ol' man made me take singing lessons.'

As Seen On TV

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

'It's not just that he plays games all the time, it's the games he plays. He's not playing 'Guitar Hero,' he's playing 'Guitar Sidekick''.

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

'No, I'm not a connoisseur, but I do have a website.'

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

'Ooh, look! A shooting star. Make a wish.'

"I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill."

Having a varied diet doesn't just mean all 12 varieties of 'kwiknoodles'.

'Trust me, kids. Everything tastes better at the ballpark.'

'Amazing - No sooner do we invent cooking than we get the first celebrity chef.'

Your Ticket to Fame and Fortune...sold out.

'Confessing your sins in a folk ballad was an interesting idea, Larry, but I'm afraid your singing has forced me to add one more sin to your list!'

Joel's mum was very strict. . . No homework, no air guitar.

'Thank you. Do you mind if I spray it about like they do on tv?'

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but you have a tentative offer from Burma-Shave.

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

'Selma never had a lesson in her life. She picked up all that noise on her own.'