Award Recipient Wannabe T-Shirts

Businessman of the Year Awards.

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

Director/Action Man toy.

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

As Seen On TV

"I'll bet Miss Parker gets teacher of the year for this."

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

Producer, Director, Egomaniac Chairs.

The great bespeak for Miss Snevellicci

Pony Director

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

'I don't mind playing dead...but what I'd really like to do is direct.'

Your Ticket to Fame and Fortune...sold out.

'Is there a Nobel Prize for viewing?'

Pygmy giant squid

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

'Thank you. Do you mind if I spray it about like they do on tv?'

"Did you just say Michael Pollan? Oh my god, I love Michael Pollan!"

In-law country

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but you have a tentative offer from Burma-Shave.

'Dang! -- STILL no lifetime achievement award!'

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

'Don't they ever go down with their ruddy gondolas?'

'I'm off to Stockholm to receive the Nobel Prize for Peace.'

'They're not just going to GIVE you a Nobel Peace Prize -- you have to FIGHT for it!'

Quentin Quangotino

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."