Award Winner Wannabe T-Shirts

'Thank you. Do you mind if I spray it about like they do on tv?'

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

Director/Action Man toy.

A smiling man leaning on large piggy bank.

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

"I'll bet Miss Parker gets teacher of the year for this."

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

As Seen On TV

Producer, Director, Egomaniac Chairs.

The great bespeak for Miss Snevellicci

'I don't mind playing dead...but what I'd really like to do is direct.'

The Don't-Quit-Your-Day-Job Comedic Revue

Pony Director

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

Your Ticket to Fame and Fortune...sold out.

"Did you just say Michael Pollan? Oh my god, I love Michael Pollan!"

In-law country

'Selma never had a lesson in her life. She picked up all that noise on her own.'

"Tell me sire. How long have you had these delusions of grandeur?"

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

'Don't they ever go down with their ruddy gondolas?'

Jenny has a mid-lithe crisis.

Quentin Quangotino

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."

Businessman of the Year Awards.