Metaphor Master Gifts

'That's funny, I'd like to go into politics too...'

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

'He's blown a head gasket, is running on empty and the tread on both shoes is gone -- but he's gonna win!'

'The story of how I invented the yo-yo is a classic tale of highs, lows, highs, lows...'

"Before we start this project, I'd like to clarify what metaphors we'll be speaking in. Last time we used sports metaphors. How about using cooking metaphors?..."

"National Metaphor Day by the looks of it."

'You need to come out of your shell.'

'Sometimes it just feels like there's this strange vase-shaped void that's come between us.'

Opening up at the weatherman's bar - "I wouldn't say our relationship's stormy - It's more squally with the possibility of bright spells later"

'It's like this, Harry -- I'm in the full bloom of life, and I don't need any more of your fertilizer.'

The light at the end of the tunnel just got switched off.

Some moss pounces on a rolling stone.

'I'm just not keen.'

'Sorry, coach, but all of the bases are loaded.'

"Sheesh, enough already with the sports metaphors."

Life Remaining Progress Bar

"Look, I got a good grade because I worked hard. It's like riding a bike...stay in your seat, keep moving forward and you'll reach your goal. Unless you hit a lipstick case dropped in the middle of the road."

"My life is a powerful blast tocenter field easily snagged on the warning track."

'I've discovered you have feet of clay.'

"Doc, thanks for letting me air my dirty laundry. It has been building up, lately, and I've been a real basket case."

'The new teacher in our school is single and cute but he has commitment issues. He's changed his Internet service provider six times.'

'Life is like a trough, Mr. Fisk. How much slop you get out of it depends on how much slop you put into it.'

'It won't work, Rodney. You're hamburger without the bun, I'm bun without the hamburger.'

"It's true! I heard this Bedouin boy calling us "ships of the desert". What on earth is a ship?"

"Poetry would be way more accessible if they just said what they meant."

Metaphor Clinic. First let's get the monkey off you back, then we'll take care of that foot in your mouth, and then we'll deal with the thorn in your side.

"We just don't seem to be on the same wavelength anymore."

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

"See this right here? That is the racist bone in your body."

Grim Reaper goes grocery shopping

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"Remind me, what's the difference between a metaphor and a simile?"

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

Reading my Critics

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!