Master Of Metaphors Gifts

Boss, I need to go home, I have an awful toothache. I can't focus. I can't concentrate. It's like someone's stabbing me in the face with a Samurai sword. Oh, that's not that bad. Let me know when it feels more like a Ninja sword. I'm not sure there's a difference. Apparently you can focus just fine.

Reading my Critics

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

"National Metaphor Day by the looks of it."

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

"We had a brainstorm - I hope it's a brainchild."

'Life is like a trough, Mr. Fisk. How much slop you get out of it depends on how much slop you put into it.'

A Poem about Sand

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"You know what I think, babe? Seven on the Richter scale."

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

'I've discovered you have feet of clay.'

'I don't suppose I need to remind anyone that when I use the term 'bite the bullet,' I mean it metaphorically.'

'Are those physical or metaphorical thunderclouds moving in.'

"I'm more interested in hearing about the eggs you're hiding from yourself."

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

The central metaphor of her novel was a fly.

Some moss pounces on a rolling stone.

"now let's try one without the tusks."

'Sometimes I scare myself when I realize that I always was and always will be.'

"The elephant is in the OTHER room. I want to talk about the PENGUIN in the room."

If poets wrote road signs.

Ambitions...To Eat My Words: "Lobster, Fllet Steak, Peaches in Brandy."

Life Remaining Progress Bar

Up your end.

'I had a nest egg once, but I sat on it too long, and ended up with nothing but a frozen asset.'

"There are far too many balls in your court, Brintner!"

'This is the eight hundred and sixty-seventh day of my captivity - How about you?'

"I've fallen for you hook, line and really BIG sinker."

"he's out of the woods and resting comfortably in a sunlit glade."

"Can you give me some sort of metaphor for how you're feeling?"

"... And this, gentlemen, is our target for the next six months."

"It's the new business model - my ideas have sex with your ideas."