Metaphor Fans Gifts

"After that, our marriage ripened into a divorce."

"Staff support"

Reading my Critics

Viking on beach with rubber ring shaped like viking ship.

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

''Raining cats and dogs' is just a phrase, Alix.'

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

No time for sirtaki now, Greece!

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'Ignore it! It's just some of the local kids trying to get in for free.'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

"Wow, what a DILF."

"We had a brainstorm - I hope it's a brainchild."

'Now that's what I call a really old tree!'

Adam and Eve, as old people.

When Tia Carmen says... "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner" it means "I can fix it with a hammer."

A Poem about Sand

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

"Honestly, I thought you were a metaphor."

"Sorry Darling, you are fabulous, but I'm searching for MY Prince too!"

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

Out of control

'No, I won't be celebrating St George's Day.'

"You know what I think, babe? Seven on the Richter scale."

Going Down?

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

'I gotta bad feeling about this.'

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!