Metadata Maverick Gifts

"I'm just sitting here collecting vast amounts of metadata. And what are you up to?...Oh, I already know."

Cellphone Islands

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

"He's not sleeping. He always dims his display while downloading data."

Targets.

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

"Every now and then, I find myself in a room filled with people who are wrong."

"Since I am chairman, it behooves me to go first. 'What I Did Over My Summer Vacation,' by Wilson Rupert Hewes."

Finally! A cure for the common cold!

'Who wants the talking stick?'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

In, Out, Shake it all about

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

Health Care Crisis table.

'I like to think of the common bile duct as the gateway to the Bahamas.

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

"Who ordered the bravest tuna on all the seven seas, anointed with the spice of faraway lands, on wheat toast?"

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

"Anything goes today: I want this to be a free and open discussion of my entrenched positions."