Messy Car Club Member Gifts

Tom's car was a dump, but at least he recycled.

"I hear you bought a new classic car."

"What old school? This is my life."

'I'm willing to go that extra mile because I have a company car.'

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

Niche Extracurriculars

'The sleepover was great Mum: Timmy's house is a pigsty just like ours...'

'Should I call the auto club of the coast guard?'

'Shh, let me do the talking.'

Man walks into 'Watch your step' sign.

'You're honoured, Mr. Coombes - He won't do that for just anyone!'

Pole Vaulting Club

Late again.

'You have to clean it yourself. There is no delete key.'

"You're a lying, cheating, son-of-a-bitch. You'll do well down here."

"My decorating style is more like 'Flung Shui'."

"Instead of cleaning my room, can we just seal the door and call it a time capsule?"

'As President of the Annoying Saying Society, just let me say,,,,,enjoy,'

What's in your back seat? Nothing. There's paper everywhere, and dirty clothes, and something that smells like a drunk threw up and then rolled around in it. That looks like ancient cheese. Introducing: The flaw. You haven't cleaned this since the '90s. Big whoop.

Hello, auto club? I have an emergency. What's happened, sir? Ever since I upgraded to iOS 8, my iPhone hasn't been syncing with my car stereo over bluetooth. I don't feel comfortable driving without being able to hear my "driving" playlist. How long till you get here? Sir, we're going to have to revoke your membership.

"I'd like to be on time for school but it makes the day too long!"

"That's right, Mr. Jenkins, we rejected your membership application because you wrote your name on it..."

"Rule one of Fart Club is everyone follows through in this Fart Club."

'Sorry for the inconvenience, sir. Our computer system is acting up.'

"I was expelled from reform school."

Girl Guided Missile

'We play in the cat protection league.'

"The worse thing about being fired was giving back the company car!"

'Our small humans have groomed us for an hour, we're in the field, what shall we do first Maurice?'

"Sorry I'm late. Heavy traffic."

"And of course you get a company car!"

"It's a company car. They gave it to me right before I stopped showing up for work."

Potholing Club has pothole as entrance.

Are you happy? Sure, great company to work for and great company car!

Messy Car