Merrymaking Mourners Gifts

'I wanted a burial service, he wanted cremation, so I decided to compromise and have him clambaked.'

"Gesundheit!"

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

Origins of a family tradition.

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

Cemetery: Communicated with your loved one see Madam Zolta within.

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

"Looks like we left out the wrong brownies."

'I'm sorry, I laughed when I saw you in spite of myself!'

"This ham bone did not have much meat on it by the time I met it, but it tasted of meat, and for that I am eternally grateful."

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

"What about this: we steal from the rich and give it to political action committees?"

Oprah's Long Goodbye

Coffin of clown on stilts is carried at funeral.

"We gather here today in memory of Chuckles, Kornflake, Doodles, Yo-Yo, Cupcake...."

"She looks sooo good."

Nutcracker

Sunday morning greeters, the #1 cause for social anxiety in the church.

"So where's the baby cheeses we heard so much about?"

"What were those songs you were singing?"

Dearly departed pet fish.

His urn is half-full. The eternal optimist.

"Al, stop honking at the car ahead to move faster! This is a funeral procession."

Robin Hood wished his men were a bit less merry.

Woman looks at nine graves reading 'Mr Tibbles', saying: 'I loved that cat.'

"I prefer sawn-off arrows. They double up as knitting needles for the wife.2

No-one had the heart to tell Lily it was just a mushroom.

'A Mr Reaper from Garden Maintenance to see you, sir.'

"He forgot our 'safe word'."

"No dear, you don't look 40. Those days are past."

'That's as maybe, mister Frimley, but there's still no such thing as inner-child benefit.'

"Thanks for calling in, Joan. First off, can we agree that naughty/nice i purely a socially determined distinction?"

It's so quiet here now that the goldfish is gone.

"I work for the North Pole Delivery Commission, and I'm here to verify that your chimney meets the statutory minimum measures."

"Great Santa has been, I can be naughty again."