Menu Critique Gifts

"The small businessman's lunch, sir? It's the same as the businessman's lunch but there's less of it."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

"Is the MSG local?"

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"

Another reason farm raised fish aren't as healthy as wild ones.

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

Bookworm group

"They're doing wonderful things with food I hate."

'Today's entrees are the Breast with Thyme, and the Wurst with Thyme.'

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

'Exactly what day is this the soup of?'

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

'Tonight's menu is bound in Moroccan leather, with a touch of Flemish calligraphy on hand made paper.'