Mental Health Humor Pillows

Bob's mother drove him crazy - but at least she came to visit.

'I hear voices doctor, and sometimes I smell their breath!'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Psychobabbling brook.

T-Shirt reads: 'Out of mind, I won't be back.'

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

'Do you know how much it cost me to LEARN all this psychobabble?'

"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

Fakir Shrink.

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

"So, Michael, any pesticidal thoughts today?"

Psychobabble.

"Every now and then, I get an overpowering urge to wear a cowbell."

"Therapist: Six couches no waiting"

"This can't be right. I was supposed to lose 20 lbs before my next annual exam - maybe I should postpone my appointment for ... another year."

Shrink's Summer Job

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

You're going to give me a hay fever shot? Shouldn't I be getting an anti hay fever shot?

"Westwood psychiatric group... How may I direct your cry for help?"

"I don't feel like I'm making any progress, it's like I'm just chasing my tail again."

"I'm afraid a hearing aid will make me look old."

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

'My therapist suggested I redirect my anger into landscaping and gardening!'

'Oh, Freud is too darn hard to read -- I switched to Dr. Phil years ago.'

'Your case is extremely interesting...and I would like to get it produced...it will be a comedy.'

'Miss Caldwell, call security and send in the kleptomaniac.'

'Maybe all I really need is a hug.'

'Well - the layman's terminology for your condition is 'nutty as an acorn''

'It's paranoia, but a very benign form - he thinks Al Gore is out to get him.'