Mental Health Guru Gifts

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

'Who are you and why are you telling me all your problems? Who do I look like? Dr. Phil?'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Self help acupuncture

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

'They took my Science Fair Award away. They said I ate too much fish, which is brainfood. So, it was like I was on mental steroids.'

National Academy of Sport

Congratulations on the new you!

"Eat your vegetarian or you'll go extinct!"

Keep Fit.

'I gotta lose some weight.'

It's about self-control. "'No Thyself".

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

Tired executive going into gym coming out gleaming

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

'Apply that ointment as directed and call me if the growth does not reduce or it starts to talk.'

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'