Mensa Aspirant Pillows

Entrance code to MENSA club - 'To enter, simply type in the square root of Pi.'

Mensa Cat

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

What else is there to wish for?

"The teacher expects too much of me. She wants me to give it the old college try, and I'm only in grade school."

'It's my application to Harvard...'

"How on earth do you get this blasted box to open...?"

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

"I don't understand what people are saying up here."

A girl climbs a ladder of books

"Finally! Summer is here! That means we're one year closer to college!"

'If this is really Heaven, why do you have a desk job?'

"I was an attorney, but I was also one heck of a nice guy."

"You got 136? It says here you're genius if you get a 132."

Cross Channel Leap

How was your college tour? Good. Now I need straight A's and 375 extracurriculars to get in. You're exaggerating. Easy for you to say. You've got a 4.0. Yeah, but

Good parenting.

"Mister, that door opens inward, no out."

"I think you are getting carried away, all you've done is finish one crossword."

Your IQ is 176, Peel. - 'Is that high?' - 'That's higher than Stephen Hawking.' - 'Wow!' - 'Maybe you'll be a great physicist one day.' - 'Will I shrivel, too?' -

"Well, I think it's good that he wants to go to university."

Unpublished Authors of the Big Bangs Theory

"With symptoms like yours, you could be the next Batman!"

Gag t-shirt for Mensa members.

"Great, just my luck."

"I'm kind of considered the Jimmy Page of the clarinet world."

"Papi, I'm planning my future. How much money do you have in my college fund?"

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

'Still polishing it? You're just too good to be true. What do you do with the brownie points up here?'

Do something that takes your mind off smoking.

"Look! My first paycheck from my summer job!"

'Mensa smoking club'

"The board is confident he'll grow into the job."