Mensa Wannabe Pillows

"How on earth do you get this blasted box to open...?"

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

'I could have been the next Neil Young, but my ol' man made me take singing lessons.'

As Seen On TV

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

Entrance code to MENSA club - 'To enter, simply type in the square root of Pi.'

'It's not just that he plays games all the time, it's the games he plays. He's not playing 'Guitar Hero,' he's playing 'Guitar Sidekick''.

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

'What do you mean you don't believe I'm really a Princess?'

"I am a ninja rabbit. I am stealth personified. I am one of the unseen. I am now invisible...Darn."

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

Before and After Tattoos.

Your Ticket to Fame and Fortune...sold out.

Your IQ is 176, Peel. - 'Is that high?' - 'That's higher than Stephen Hawking.' - 'Wow!' - 'Maybe you'll be a great physicist one day.' - 'Will I shrivel, too?' -

"I'm going to demonstrate how dogs are stealth ninjas in the dark. See how I move silently....."

"I think you are getting carried away, all you've done is finish one crossword."

'Thank you. Do you mind if I spray it about like they do on tv?'

In-law country

Gag t-shirt for Mensa members.

Mensa Cat

'Don't they ever go down with their ruddy gondolas?'

'Selma never had a lesson in her life. She picked up all that noise on her own.'

"Well, if we're playing tackle football I'll be the coach!"

"It's the ultimate in smart phones. It's the Mensa phone."

Businessman of the Year Awards.

'Never, Ever...try to imitate LeBron James on the basketball court.'

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."

"When you can sneak up on me, without my knowledge, then, and only then, can you consider yourself a true Ninja!"

My heart be still, Snookums. Rudy's still insulting everyone in sight? It's beyond that. Not only has my ninja training taken hold with Rudy, but he's taken it to a new level. He's moved his insult frenzy to the internet, using Twitter and Facebook. It's gone absolutely multimedia. I've gone viral! I don't know what it means, either, but it sounds awesome. Be afraid.

"We're only here summers, but Roger likes to be taken for a local."

"From now on let's do our drawings inside the cave."