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Chanukah is worth melting for!

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Fishing boat.

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

One of Dracula's 'coffin mournings'.

No, no, don't tell me … you lost weight? You cut your hair? Wait, did you used to wear glasses?

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

Fun on the pyramids

"Yeah, but the one in Vegas has an endless shrimp buffet."

The big apple.

'I would describe it as a splitting headache.'

Pet Hanukkah

'Sure, I can make you look like Venus de Milo, but it will take two amputations!'

Intramission

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

With one sentence, Harold destroys the leprechaun's reason for being...

'I really don't like it when we're listed in alphabetical order: I'm always last...'

Louis the MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMCLXXIV, King of the Amoebas.

"Psst! Tell them they made egg nog too strong!"

Coffee. Yeah, the muses are always the first ones here in the morning.

'He's worried that he'll emerge a butterfly.'

'Come on, come on, we haven't got all day.'

'Lot was told to take his wife and daughter and flee from Sodom.'

It's an import!

'I stink, therefore I HAM'.

King Solomon

'Why do I keep getting two too many? Okay, everybody, let's do one more head count!'

Fire Marshall Chanukah

Jesus was banned from all future fishing tournaments

large hadron collider

'One thing for certain,son - if your name's on it you're going to get it'.

"Noah, the unicorns are stirring up trouble again blaming the flood on global warming."

"So you once parted the Red Sea, what have you done lately?"