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Fire Marshall Chanukah

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'Yes, all at once!'

'Don't ask me why but he feels a great deal of pride in calling it his 'man-cave'.'

"Letters would be all right if they'd just let us leave them in alphabetical order."

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

Moses as a child.

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

'We had to discontinue the alphabet soup, sir - Too many censorship problems.'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'I'm tired of playing 'Rock, rock rock'.'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

"But this book is just the alphabet all jumbled up..."

Reading: Phonics. Using phonics, you learn to read by the sounds of letters. Any questions? Yes. Why does "phonics" begin with "p-h" and not with "f"?

'Sorry.. I don't date lower-case types.'

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

'Vitamins A, B, C, D...Hey, Mom! - this cereal has all the recommended daily allowance of alphabet in it!'

'There seems to be no end to his talent.'

Moses Parting the Red Tea

'Think Basics.'

All I said was, thanks to Sadie, I know what's wrong with the Middle East. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. It's the birthplace of civilization. It's the dysfunctional family home from whence we all came. It's ruled by a stubborn and cranky old know-it-all mother with a superiority complex. She never changes, which is why the kids, once they came of age, got the heck outta there and only come by once in a while to referee her arguments with dad and make sure they're still in her will ... and for

"I take it this is a very special occasion."

Sign On Door of Dept. Of Neanderthal Literature - Out Eat Back.

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

Pet Hanukkah

'I would describe it as a splitting headache.'

'Alphabet soup. This isn't nutrition. It's education.'

A caveman offers another a copy of, 'The Ug Issue'.

"How come people die in alphabetical order...?"

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

Safer Torah

"I've suffered from O.C.D. myself. You should really call it C.D.O. keep all the letters in alphabetical order."

Ismail Haniya

8. VIII. Just because it took four of us to do your job doesn't mean we were slacking off!

"All the letters in the alphabet are one-syllable words. Tell that to "W"."