Memory Loss Warrior T-Shirts

"Did you say you've been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. . . I'd forget about it!"

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

To do before Saturday...

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

Cut out and keep your own Marcel Proust.

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

Valleyview diet clinic

'I've found the blockage it looks like your gastric band!'

Wrestling Our Inner Demons

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'...but you can't keep imagining you're going downhill!'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

Shrink

"This is one of those beautiful summer days when I'm flooded with memories of things that never happened to me."

"Ready to head back?"

Woman in Restaurant has Menu and Calorie Counter.

'I've decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of my bedroom.'

'If you want your diet to work, you're going to have to take the wheels off your refrigerator.'

'For gods sake get back, there's a triple chocolate fudge cake in there!'

Down with Negativism!

Woman and scales.

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

'It's radical but it just might work!'

The Fat-Free Mayo Clinic.

Before and After diet photos.

'Casper just lost twenty seven and a half pounds, but his head is just as fat as ever.'

The Diet Fairy is here to grant you three dishes. . . as long as they're under 350 calories each.

"I've been on the hip and thigh diet."