Memorial Service Gifts

'I wanted a burial service, he wanted cremation, so I decided to compromise and have him clambaked.'

"One more - Billy wasn't crying."

"His last request was that we close the casket before you begin."

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

Gravesite has QR code on tombstone

"Well, finally! Gracefully aging no more."

"He adored that old car !"

"It was what he wanted... only cheaper"

Pope John Paul II 1920-2005.

Remembering All The American Idols.

'We couldn't pry the remote control out of his hand.'

"You couldn't put on a nice a tie?"

"I scattered her ashes. Then I changed my mind."

'You can't take it with you means your cellphones too.'

'His pace maker's lasting longer than he did.'

Headstone: "A lifetime of averageness interspersed with flashes of sheer mediocrity."

"The death of a businessperson is especially sad."

"John McCain stuck to his convictions...did what was right even when it was contrary to his party - just like..."

One angel watches as another angel plays the harp.

'He could never resist taking an opposing position on an old saying...'

Cricketer's funeral

www.TedBdead.com

Death of the cook

A grave with an anchor and periscope

Here lies BoBo the Clown

'It's no big deal. Most of them are posthumous.'

Edward Rauh, Auctioneer: Going, going, gone!

"Mother always wanted her ashes scattered at the grand canyon. It's quite breezy here isn't it?"

"She died peacefully surrounded by her 10,000 followers."

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

"I spread his ashes at the park, but the storm must have blown his ashes all over town by now!"

'They always say such nice things about the departed at funerals, it's a pity they're not able to hear them.'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

Edward P. Whitcomb: a grumbling, whiny mediocrity mistakenly born into the greatest generation.

"He looks just the way he did in life."