Memorial Satirist Gifts

'He'll never hurt anyone again."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

Sock Puppet in Literature

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'He takes his organization chart seriously.'

Michael Jackson - Mission fulfilled.

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

Boring Board Meeting

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

The camouflage in vietnam was more comfortable

Ah Democracy - Just Like Home

"You didn't seriously think that one does one's own huffing and puffing these days, did you?"

"All those in favor of eroticizing our annual report 'aye.'"

'Secondhand smoke.'

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

"Well of COURSE it's mostly gobble-dee-gook! Were you expecting something different?"

Unpopular Street Signs: Go, Please Litter, Yes Parking, Garbage Collection - Sometimes Never - Mon-Fri.

I know they told me not to bark

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

The game comes first...

"You can huff and puff all you want. The house is foreclosed and belongs to the bank."

'He did it for us.'

'Don't believe everything you read.'

'So what do we have here?' - dart board says, Take the Day Off, Ignore the Loser,Do What the Goof Says, and Act Interested.

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

"I hear Presbyterian is the new Methodist."

"Thank god for Sudoku."

Autumn Leaves

'Remember, guys, there's no 'I'll kill you before I ever budge an inch on any position' in TEAMWORK.'

'Gentlemen, circle around on the spot several times and be seated.' - At the dog AGM

Power Point Hell