Memorial Maintainer Gifts

Cleaning act.

Michael Jackson

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'Forget what?'

'Sigh. . .You work life balance includes me as well you know.'

"Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped insisting on your uncle Bill being here for Christmas?"

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

Veterans Day '20

'Ol' Pete was an angler to the end.'

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

Follow me on Twitter...

'An this good luck charm is to commemorate when our turtle ran away. He's the one who took Jim's pinkie.'

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

Heavenly Gazette This Heavenly Gazette is awfully thin. There doesn't seem to be a financial section Because you can't take it with you. There's no weather forecast. It's perfect every day. I don't see any sports scores. Everybody's a winner up here. And there are no political reports. Of course not in paradise we don't hear anything about politics!

'He never listened to his mother!'

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

A man in a little rowboat goes to his grave.

'They're not out of focus. They're just fuzzy memories.'

"You want the truth? I can't remember the truth!"

"He was always loyal and insisted on being buried with his stilts..."

Statue fishing.

You are not forgotten!

David Bowie: "I don't know where I'm going from here but I promise it won't be boring."

Sooner or later, 'These trying times' become 'The good ol' days'.'

Prince, another that knocks Heaven's Doors

'Remember 'back in the day'. . . about 15 minuted ago.'

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

He said nothing about being cremated before his remains were scattered on the pitch.

"He didn't do squat for cats."

"We prefer to remember him the way he was, before he passed the bar."

War HeroWar Exit Strategy Hero.

"You know, Mother, they say dead is the new 80."

"He's still in therapy."