Megabank Mocker Gifts

'Yes, I sold my soul...but what could I do? They held all the papers!'

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'If I don't chew this, my S.A.T. scores will skyrocket.'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

"The beatings will continue until the morale improves!"

'Every man has his price, Peterson. I've decided yours is £2.75.'

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

Mismanagement Consultant.

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

"Well, I guess that old saying really is true: the squeaky wheel gets the grease!"

Mountain escalator.

Earplugs £2 a Pair

"I like your paperweight, Watkins..."

'Please, sir -- I appeal to your common humanity!'

'Of course we're making a lot of mistakes - this is a dummy corporation.'

Fishermen catch a fish paint a 'No Fishing' sign.

"My wife says I bore people to death."

Memo to all departments: NO!

"Just you wait until this firing freeze is over!"

'Motivational poster,'

Members only.

"So help me, Henderson, if you sing 'Row Row Row Your Boat' one more time..."

'The cross doesn't affect him. Let's try with a Star of David.'

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

'Leave me the figures on my voicemail... I never check it.'

'When you've seen one criminally violent, sex-filed horror play, you've seen the lot, I always say.'

'The reality is, if you should go on one of those shows, I doubt that TV viewers would accept you any better than I do!'

'Hello, Mr Busino. I understand you're suffering from some drug side effects.'

Jesus' bones.

'You can't fire me. I fired you.'