Meeting Goer Gifts

Listening meeting.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

'I never get a good night's sleep. Thank God for these office meetings!'

Early Piety

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

"That's six 'noes' and one 'aye', the ayes have it"

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

All dressed up and no place to go

Priest

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

Temporarily Unavailable

'Congratulations, Yomp - we're giving you a bigger carrot!'

"Don't forget to put some sunscreen on your tongue."

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'Let us pray...'