Family Event Goer Gifts

Warning... This ballgame contains scenes and language of an explicit nature. Viewer discretion is advised.

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'Ahhh...'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"Hi-yah!"

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

Polygamists' Picnic

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

'Never mind about buying that trampoline. I love your new bed!'

'Look, Dad, I made a pair of boots out of your chest waders.'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Gracie, today I'm teaching you a Bermudez family tradition...passed down from generation to generation! Vamonos! Out! Now!"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Chicken Little was correct about something falling, unfortunately, it was an axe, and not the sky.

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"She looks just like in your photos."

"My nephew Jack here can say ‘I’m unemployed’ in seven languages."

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

"Eat your vegetarian or you'll go extinct!"

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'