Family Event Goer Gifts

Warning... This ballgame contains scenes and language of an explicit nature. Viewer discretion is advised.

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'Ahhh...'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

"Hi-yah!"

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

Polygamists' Picnic

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

'Never mind about buying that trampoline. I love your new bed!'

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

All dressed up and no place to go

'Look, Dad, I made a pair of boots out of your chest waders.'

"Gracie, today I'm teaching you a Bermudez family tradition...passed down from generation to generation! Vamonos! Out! Now!"

Chicken Little was correct about something falling, unfortunately, it was an axe, and not the sky.

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"She looks just like in your photos."

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"My nephew Jack here can say ‘I’m unemployed’ in seven languages."

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"Eat your vegetarian or you'll go extinct!"