Mediocrity Enthusiast T-Shirts

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

"Goodnight, Dan, you handsome devil!"

'Not only can I not find the middle class tax cut, I can't find the middle class.'

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

Militant Pacifists

"Cartoonist are harmless? Not at all!! These people have weapons!! Here, see for yourself!"

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

American Venn diagram

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'This is a very dysfunctional company. No one will talk aboaut about the elephant in the boardroom!'

"My parents just raised my home school tuition."

"Alright, fire me. But I'm taking back your "World's Greatest Boss" coffee mug!"

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

Multiple personalities with blogs.

Time for today's dose of emotional manipulation...

"I'm afraid it's the bankruptcy virus."

'A lackluster style got me to where I am, and a lackluster style is going to keep me here.'

I knew we were in uncharted waters when our chickens started asking questions like these:

"He can't speak to you at the moment - he's bonding with his compensation package."

Surgical Self-Service

"See? No socialists."

'Though we must innovate, and though we must grow, we must never lose sight of our core mediocrities.'

"Of course I'm proud to work here... Why do you ask?

'Oh great,,, More protesters getting on our case about how the magazine industry creates 'unrealistic standards' for the human body,'

Money laundering.