Medieval Times Aficionado Gifts

King John

'It's just some peasants, Your Majesty.' - 'Whew! - I was afraid it was the BOURGEOISIE!'

My name is Sir Render!!

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

"We're following Carrot Top."

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

Knight feeding his kids.

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

TV jester.

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

Joust Sharpener

"The knights of the round accent table"

Hildegard von Bingen

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

A bridge builder using an organic blow torch.

"What the hell took so long?"

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

Knights of the bedside table.

underwater knight

'Good work pulling the sword from the stone. Now, how 'bout loosening the lid on the magic pickle jar?'

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

Sir gawain had been duped....it was a damson in distress