Medieval Aficionado Gifts

Medieval Social Distancing

'We just have to hope and pray they don't go around the side!'

'I'm in a chat room with one oof the guys in the castle... he's really quite nice.'

'Great invention, Rex! What are you going to call it?'

'Mind filling out this evaluation form first?'

'Shall we start with some stretching exercises?'

'Tell me your innermost feelings!'

"Don't give me this stupid 'Renaissance' stuff! - The Middle Ages were good enough for my father and they're good enough for me!"

King Henry IV

'Cut off his head, but be compassionate about it.'

"Frankly, it's no better or worse than any other form of government."

'OK, OK, I'm coming, I'm coming...'

"There wasn't any unemployment back when we had FEUDALISM!"

William II

'You've got to pick battles you can WIN!'

Whoa! Willard, you know you can't put metal in a microwave! Why not just heat it the old fashioned way and use your nostrils?

King Edward IV

'Did anyone think to measure this thing?'

Knight walking his dog.

"I'm upgrading our entertainment center."

"Well, what's it to be then - hung, drawn and quartered or say you are sorry?"

'NO, NO, NO! Thumb screws first THEN the rack.' 'Sorry about the delay. 'Creative differences.''

Black plague swab testing

"I'm going to lower taxes to stimulate the economy and lop off a few heads because I dawn well feel like it."

'Instead of a knighthood, Sire, could I just have the money instead?'

"I know you're hurting. We're all hurting."

"Someday man will find a peaceful use for my machines."

"I've asked you not to use the siege tower to meet women."

"Last chance - take back what you said about my wife."

"Owning to an unforeseen dip in the fiefdom's population, we regret that we must once again raise taxes."

Man being led to gallows sees hanging basket, saying: 'Nice touch.'

"I never said the peasants smelled bad. I was trying to warn you they were revolting."

A medieval knight eats his lunch with armored lunch gear.

Cat flap on castle door.

Costume