Medieval-fantasy Aficionado Gifts

Hilarion

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

"We're following Carrot Top."

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Knight feeding his kids.

"The knights of the round accent table"

Joust Sharpener

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

A bridge builder using an organic blow torch.

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

TV jester.

"Oh great, the printer is down."

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

Knights of the bedside table.

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'He's been brought in to save the company.'

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

Sir gawain had been duped....it was a damson in distress

underwater knight

"Messenger, dost thou bring me good news or dost thou bring me bad news?"

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

'Good work pulling the sword from the stone. Now, how 'bout loosening the lid on the magic pickle jar?'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

Car joust.

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."