Medieval Times Admirer Gifts

Target Practice

"Not only do I curse you but your descendants also. Know that they will be so heavily taxed they'll be forced to open this castle as a tourist attraction!"

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

"You're just bowing to political correctness."

"Relax - he called you a peasant, not a pedant."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

"We're following Carrot Top."

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

Knight feeding his kids.

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

'OK, so I fumbled. Now can you cure it or not?'

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

Joust Sharpener

"The knights of the round accent table"

TV jester.

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"Oh great, the printer is down."

'It's some more story ideas from Francis Bacon.'

Sir gawain had been duped....it was a damson in distress

'Good work pulling the sword from the stone. Now, how 'bout loosening the lid on the magic pickle jar?'

underwater knight

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'He's been brought in to save the company.'

Knights of the bedside table.

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

In case of emergency - use tin opener...