Medieval Fantasist Gifts

"If they don't quit complaining, you could threaten them with democracy."

"Little help?"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"Messenger, dost thou bring me good news or dost thou bring me bad news?"

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

"Is 'family' friend of foe?"

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'

Clouds

'I suspect the cow jumping over the moon is an illusion or swamp gas.'

"Nothing like a good stretch before looting and burning."

Knight offers his opponent a glass of wine.

'I'm going out to forge an alliance.'

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

'Your task will be to save the castle from catapulted rocks.'

Extreme Sheepherding

"I'd like to introduce our new consultant on risk management!"

Monk scribe has written ornate letter 'S' which turns into 'Sod this for a lark!!'

"Oh, Freddy! I just knew it would be like this!"

'In another universe parallel to our own.'

'Why are they all picking on me?'

"Take away their Game Boys!"

'I just had a beer with Edward the Confessor - talk about too much information!'

Ah the pleasant afternoons King Dunwoody spent in the fields with his famed hunting gnat.

Pottery Sale

"I let him think he's protecting us, too."

Crusaders wearing shoes

"Sometimes they get frustrated and punch the wall."

"My goal was to have our moat seen throughout the lands as an impenetrable line of defense. Not a fun vacation spot."