Medieval Fantasist Pillows

"If they don't quit complaining, you could threaten them with democracy."

"Little help?"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"Messenger, dost thou bring me good news or dost thou bring me bad news?"

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

"Is 'family' friend of foe?"

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'

Clouds

I think my brother Lars is trying to steal away my girlfriend, Dr. Kapuchnik. But she's imaginary, AL. He has very low standards.

'I suspect the cow jumping over the moon is an illusion or swamp gas.'

Leonard Nimoy

Extreme Sheepherding

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

"Nothing like a good stretch before looting and burning."

Knight offers his opponent a glass of wine.

'I'm going out to forge an alliance.'

'Your task will be to save the castle from catapulted rocks.'

"I'd like to introduce our new consultant on risk management!"

Monk scribe has written ornate letter 'S' which turns into 'Sod this for a lark!!'

"Oh, Freddy! I just knew it would be like this!"

'In another universe parallel to our own.'

'Why are they all picking on me?'

'I just had a beer with Edward the Confessor - talk about too much information!'

"Take away their Game Boys!"

Pottery Sale

'You wanna get some WD-40 on that, mate.'

Ah the pleasant afternoons King Dunwoody spent in the fields with his famed hunting gnat.

"I let him think he's protecting us, too."

We couldn't decide if you're guilty or not, so we're just going to burn the roof of you mouth.

Crusaders wearing shoes

"Sometimes they get frustrated and punch the wall."

"These things are useless. They beep constantly, but we never find a thing."

'Nice siege!'