Medicinal Laughter Gifts

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'Do years 4, 5 and 6 cover the other foot?'

"It turns out you can 'take it with you' if you pack correctly."

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

Medical Cabinet

'Yuo were wise to get a second opinion. Now we can sue both doctors.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

"Let the healing begin!"

"It's cooties."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

I think we need to move to your usual four o'clock appointments to earlier in the day, Al. I find that every time I see you at four, I feel the need for cocktail hour at five.

Judge Duels

"Everytime he sticks his finger down his throat, he tells a joke."

Arm puncture...

'Nurse Jenny is here to help with your physical therapy.'

"Your first operation? Mine too!"

Barrister defending a criminal

"First the good news - I found my Rolex from your last operation."

Attorney Vending Services: In Case of Litigation.

'I don't want to catch whatever the heck you've got.'

Acupuncture

"Good luck getting my client's tax returns - he never even filed!"

'The inflamed hemorrhoid is here to see you, Doctor.'

"And is that your card?"

"Tails it is. We find the defendant guilty."

'If I strike a nerve, just blink your left eye, there's a good chap.'

Man arrives at Kidney Stone Clinic and sees sign, 'This, too, shall pass.'

'Gwen, I feel horrible! I may have to cancel tonight's set. . . The E.R. doctor was so impressed, he let me keep his stethoscope.'

Wang Ying had a dental appointment at 'toof-hurty'!