Medications Gifts

'We combined all your medicines into one convenient dose.'

"The pharmacist is on the phone, trying to secure prior authorization. Do you want to wait?"

'We should mention a few mild side effects. If here are none at all, people will be suspicious.'

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

"I thought the co-pay was supposed to be smaller than the pay."

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

'This is a new product - birth control pills shaped like favorite cartoon characters.'

'This container lists only one hundred of the most common side effects. More can be found on the manufacturer's website.'

"Ms. Mims will help you arrance financing."

The Pharmacy

"If you buy two name brands we throw in a generic for free."

"Take on an empty stomach? Don't you have anything I can take with food?"

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'We look for a new drug, we find a virus - we look for a new virus, we find a drug...'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

Medicinal plants

"This is for the pain and these are for the side effects."

"Thanks to modern medicine, we now have drugs to make any season the season to be jolly."

Alexander Fleming

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

'Now in Capulets'

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

"The penicillin looks good."