Medication Gifts

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

'You could just ignore it and hope it goes away. I do that with customers who ask too many questions.'

'The upside of this drug is you'll live longer. The downside is that you'll live in poverty.'

"Your disease is curable, but one side effect of this drug is poverty."

"In order to get through this, I've had to find an inner strength that I never knew I had in the medicine cabinet."

'I'm sorry to wake you, Mr. Jennings, but it's time for your sleeping pills.'

Pharmacy - "And these blue ones are for the stomach cramps the red ones are going to give you."

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

"The tiny one treats the symptoms. The big one treats the side effects."

"May I suggest we up your medication, sire.

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

"All the ingredients are inactive."

"These will make you feel like a kid again... especially when you can't remove the child-proof cap!"

Take these three times a day until I feel better.

'Okay, so that one's not right for me either... Is Zythoranex right for me?'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"Don't chew them. They're supposed to hatch in your intestines."

Getting older is....Getting involved in one upmanship over ailments and medications.

"Did you forget to take your medication dear?"

"It's definitely Friday. I'm looking at my calendar."

"Take 4 teaspoons of this medicine every day. . ."

Meds Toast

"A side effect of my medication is memory loss..."

"You forgot to pick up my prescription, didn't you?"

"It doesn't come with any cap at all. You're to take one every two minutes."

'It's for panic attacks. Side effects may include vertigo, tunnel vision and ringing in the ears.'

'You need the wisdom of the ages to understand Medicare Part D.'

'Water! Water!'

PHARMACY, 'Here you are, sir -- don't operate heavy machinery or watch television.'

"These antidepressants should help with your natal Saturn-Pluto conjunction."

'These childproof vials! I CAN'T GET MY TRANQUILIZERS OPEN!!'

Bathroom shelf full of clocks and pills.

"My doctor pooled all my medications into one convenient tablet."

'I don't care what kind of tablets, just take any two tablets and call me in the morning!'

'Stop at the next chemist please, I've run out of tranquillizers.'