Medication Savvy Gifts

'Given the medication you're on, Larry, maybe you ought to go home!'

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

'The difference between the sexes...First Contact...'

'I don't understand your question. Could you restate it as an answer?'

Meds Toast

Stop smoking,instantly.

Have you seen my iPhone? No. You lost it? I may have misplaced it. Big deal. You hate it. It'll turn up. Exactly, I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I especially hate the Scrabble app and I absolutely can't wait to find the phone so I can mock it further! Help: I love my iPhone. Oh dear. Trouble brewing. To be continued ...

"We advised viewer discretion and they all decided not to watch."

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

Maintenance & Repairs. No wonder health care is so expensive, they told me to take to tablets every four hours.

Portrait artist drawing DNA patterns.

Smile you're on camera! You're also on my podcast!

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

Theater on meds

'First Rogaine, now Viagra'

Hazmat suit

"Dad, how do you become a TV reporter?"

'North Korea and Iran want nukes... Palestinians elect Hamas... and now a commercial from a leading anti-anxiety medication....'

"I have prescribed something to make you sleep better! Be careful not to take too many! If you do this side effect is headaches!"

'Take more vitamins... Well maybe you shouldn't take so many vitamins.'

"Were you referred to us by your doctor or publicist?"

'Nice try, Mom! They're pinking shears.'

"Can we cut down his tranquilisers please?"

"The printer ran out of ink so that's only a partial list of the side effects."

Uncle Sam inside a Ukrainian brain.

'I've got it in pill form, but for really fast relief from panic attacks...'

For once, I'd like to order a non-soy-based tofu substitute. No more health food. I have Tofurkey.

"My advice about all the health foods you've been eating remember, living too long can kill you."

"Just call me...Mr. Saturday Night!"

"I'm all for having a cheat day while dieting. However, you may be taking it a bit too far."

'I'm getting really tired of your friend crashing here every night!'

'It's Mrs Yomp - she can't remember if she should take the aspirin first and call you in the morning, or call you first, then take the aspirin...'