Medication Mayhem Pillows

'You're right...these are your hormone pills. Thank goodness we noticed before anything serious happened.'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

Less expensive equivalent.

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

'I can't turn it off.'

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

'Good news! Your positives look negative.'

'Terrific commercial. I'm sold. You'll start on that medicine immediately.'

'How's my Surger? Call 1-600 Lawsuit.'

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

Paramedic Mistakes.

'He broke his wrist trying to open his medicine.'

"… Yes, but you only have to take it once a year."

'What are you complaining about...they told you this was MINOR surgery!'

'I gave you a few extra stitches - Your husband's idea, really!'

'I realize it's a bit strange, sir, but due to the new health information privacy laws, none of us is allowed to know your identity.'

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

'Patients! They whine about MRSA, then they moan about our ward disinfecting regime. There really is no pleasing them.'

"Nurse, you've mixed up the helium and oxygen again haven't you ?"

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

'A second opinion would be appreciated only if confirms my opinion.'

'I've got acid indigestion.'

Broken hospital sign.

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

"I told him 1 tranquilizer every 4 hours, not 4 tranquilizers every 1 hour."

Most common side effects...