Medical Sarcasm Specialist Pillows

'I'm sorry, Timmy, but your parents' insurance doesn't allow for you to grab a sucker on the way out.'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

The Snarky District

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"Of course it's a stupid sign, but you wouldn't believe how much money it brings in for city hall!"

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"I'm trying to lure in Generation X-ers. They're the new sandwich generation. They're sandwiched between caring for their kids and caring for their parents. So they drink lots and lots of coffee."

'My firm has an entire department that does nothing but adjust for inflation.'

"Of course I won't forget to tell you when quarantine's over!"

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

"I've added an additional response to the doc's health questionnaire. It's called 'Mind Your Own Business.'"

WTF?

"Nobody told me it was a dress down wedding day!"

Batsford doesn't suffer fools gladly.

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

Don't worry, the first thirty years working here are the hardest.

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."