Medical Routine Navigator Gifts

"Instead of days, my pill organizer is divided into months."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

Hospital Departments

"Cardiac day patients?"

Medicare: More is Better!

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"I am just going outside to find an NHS dentist and may be some time."

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

'You have a good chance of recovery, if you can make it through hospital admissions.'

'I told you not to yawn near the toaster.'

"I just hope that when your mother is as old as I am you'll be able to help figure out Medicare Part D."

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

'I'm from the temp agency, who are you?'

"I don't see the doctor anymore because I'd have to hire some kid to set up the patient portal."

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

'You need the wisdom of the ages to understand Medicare Part D.'

GPs to be required to offer appointments in advance.

'Oh no, not you again,'

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

"You know you're getting old when you can find your way around all the local hospitals blindfolded."

"Don't you have any regular doctors?"

'I never know which side to start on.'

All Roads Lead To Rome.

'You can visit your mum in Ward C from 2 am until 3, Ward D from 3 until 5 am then it'll be Ward C until 6 and the corridor after that...'

'I tripped over a red line.'

"NOTHING has changed from your last visit here? What do you people do?"

'I've got so many aches and pains that a new one would have to wait a week before I could feel it.'

"Although it may be a simple procedure, keep in mind that it comes with the risk of being billed for a major operation."