Medical Policy Maven Gifts

"Doctor, does my policy cover little sharp arrows?!"

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

Superbug Research Go For It / Got it

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

Podiatry. The greated podiatrist of all time, you say? Yep. I studied at his feet.

The end is near

Pre-Old Blues

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

The Canary in the Coal Mine

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

Vaccine hurdles

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'Where does it hurt?'

ANd the Oscar for the best special side effects goes to ASTRAZENECA!

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'Due to cutbacks on your insurance plan, your visits to Dr. Phil are no longer covered. You'll have to start seeing Physician's Assistant Phil.'

'Your prescription is ready. How would you like to finance it?'

Orthopedics. Pediatrics. Stuff they never taught your in nursing school.

"First, admit no harm."

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

"Dad, I want to become a doctor. I already know something about anatomy: A human being consists of a head, a belly, legs, arms, and a smartphone."

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'