Medical Mystery Reader Gifts

'It says: 'No refills until your primary care physician is released from jail'...'

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"It's a list of possible side effects."

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

"I know. But I think I can change him."

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

Paging for a Doctor

"Who has removed the appendix from the medical text book?"

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'Have there been any side effects from the medicine?'

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

"I've run out of invisible ink..."

"Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake."

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

'Here's an interesting article. 'Cold or Seasonal Allergy?''

A spy

'Our Anesthesiologist resigned recently.'

"I'm afraid we're going to have to remove your appendix."

"You're sure it's a birthmark?"

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

Washing line with robber outfit and swag bag hanging up to dry.

Illustrated Encyclopedia of Infectious Diseases

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

Anti-Vaxer