Medical Mystery Reader Gifts

'It says: 'No refills until your primary care physician is released from jail'...'

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

Apothecary. Tell us what ails you. We'll concoct a chemical mix to dissolve in water which will fix you. Every problem has solution!

"It's a list of possible side effects."

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

"I know. But I think I can change him."

Paging for a Doctor

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

"Who has removed the appendix from the medical text book?"

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

'Have there been any side effects from the medicine?'

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"I've run out of invisible ink..."

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

"Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake."

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

'Here's an interesting article. 'Cold or Seasonal Allergy?''

'Our Anesthesiologist resigned recently.'

"I'm afraid we're going to have to remove your appendix."

A spy

"You're sure it's a birthmark?"

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

Anti-Vaxer

Illustrated Encyclopedia of Infectious Diseases

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."