Medical Mystery Solver Gifts

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"That's not what it says on the Web."

"You have a condition whose name is very hard to remember."

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

'In the few minutes remaining, Dr. Nemo, could you briefly give us some idea what you've been talking about for the last hour?'

'Yesterday we ran a CBC, a BUN, a liver profile...

'More bad news from the lab. You're allergic to peanuts.'

'Well, I don't WHAT this x-ray is showing us...but I'm seeing Picasso.'

'I have yopur lab results. Some of your readings are too high and some are too low. No, they don't balance out.'

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

"Interesting diagnosis. Now let's ask Google for a second opinion, shall we?"

'My disclosure of the information you are requesting would violate HIPAA.'

"The sooner I put these all together, the sooner I find out what the hell is wrong with this man."

"It's a list of possible side effects."

Examining x-ray: 'Ribs'.

Doctor visiting a lady with a sore throat

'The computer links me to other doctors, so I can see how much they're charging for tests.'

'You can go home now. Your tests show the virus was in the MRI machine!'

"I'm pretty sure you've got what this guy had."

'Have there been any side effects from the medicine?'

"Does anyone know CPR?"

"Light headedness is one of the side effects of this medication, ma'am."

"I don't like the looks of that Spot on your lung."

"So, we are all agreed, gentlemen. There shouldn't be that many of those, and that's a funny colour."

"The reason Zylofan costs so much is because they first made Pirolax, kbut it didn't work, so then they made Kivotor, and that didn't work, so they then tried Davicor..."

"Yes, it's a Latin word for your 'guess is as good as mine'."

"A second opinion? - Oh, it's far too late for THAT!"

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

'Right now it's about a tie.'

'I'm pretty sure that you have something that is difficult to pronounce.'

'This could end up costing a lot more than I thought -- your disease is psychocomatic!'

The Best Hypochondriac Ever

"Wow! That's one antibiotic resistant virus!"

"I know - I have the same symptoms - what do you suppose it is?"

"I'm feeling great but I'm worried that that might just be a symptom!"