Medical Mystery Lover Gifts

'I've narrowed the diagnosis down to 16 possibilities.'

'Half the diabetics were given the new drug and responded well. The other half got a placebo and went into shock.'

"Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake."

'The good news is we were able to re-attach your severed hand.'

"I don't like the look of these. I better send them up to legal."

Hospital chart 'GTACT...'

"One of us is a placebo, Mr Jones..."

"You made that diagnosis just to be mean."

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

'Uh, oh....It doesn't look good.'

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

"With the number of symptoms you describe...our only hope is to remove your 'Home Health Encyclopedia'."

Tattooed Patient

"It's either the worst case of measles I've ever seen or excessive cupping."

'I don't like the looks of this - there's nothing wrong.'

"What kind of second opinion is that? It's the same thing Dr. Basinski told me."

'I'll have to do some tests, but I suspect you may have a sty in you eye.'

"I'm a doctor, I'm allowed to google it."

We've got all your tests back and I can give you a 100 guarantee that we are positive we have no idea what's wrong with you!

'Tell me more! That's my favorite symptom.'

'Come back in three months because you're perfectly healthy which means a WHOLE LOT can go wrong with you.'

'I've already been to another doctor about this - I'm just here for a second guess.'

'You say he's possessed by evil spirits?!' 'Albanian vodka, I believe.'

'You have what we in the medical profession call, a mystery illness, which might give you an idea of the prognosis.'

"Is what I have as contagious as they say it is?"

"You're this age and never had surgery? Aren't you curious?"

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'There's something wrong here. You have all these risk factors, and yet you're in excellent health.'

'It only hurts when I sneeze.'

"See that? What the heck is that?"

"Who has removed the appendix from the medical text book?"

Please Don't Ask...

"Your test results are in."

"Any history of medical malpractice suits in your family?"

"Unfortunately these tests show that the test you've just had has caused cancer."