Medical Mystery Explorer T-Shirts

"I'm afraid we're going to have to remove your appendix."

"You know, you wanting to get a second opinion is very insulting to my medical degree."

'Your problem is quite simple. Millions of people have. But the medical profession has no answer for it.'

"There are signs that your back condition is very advanced."

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

'Tommy is in the other room playing with the triangle we bought him in Bermuda.'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'Look! There's a Zyzzkzkk!'

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

Apothecary. Tell us what ails you. We'll concoct a chemical mix to dissolve in water which will fix you. Every problem has solution!

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

"It's a list of possible side effects."

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

Paging for a Doctor

"Who has removed the appendix from the medical text book?"

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'Have there been any side effects from the medicine?'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'Feed a cold, starve the plague.'

"Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake."

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

Illustrated Encyclopedia of Infectious Diseases

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

DNA doctor

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

'You're experienced with blood stains I trust?' (Smarthy ACME Carpet Cleaners)

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

Anti-Vaxer

Clinical Trails. . . Prevention . . . Detection. . . Diagnosis. . . Treatment.

"Spirit! Are you a chatbot?"