Medical Mystery Enthusiasts T-Shirts

'Er, so Mrs Trimble, the good news is we got your test results back in record time! . . .'

'It seems I was wrong, the tests show that it IS contagious.'

'Well, he's had the 3 in 1 now. He's got measles, mumps and rubella!'

After years of ignoring the warning signs, Joe's restless leg syndrome had finally gotten out of control."

Exploratory Surgery: 'So that's where the nurse went!'

"It's a letter from your doctor..."

"The good news is that you're not really ill. The bad news is that I'm not a real doctor."

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

Paging for a Doctor

"Who has removed the appendix from the medical text book?"

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake."

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

Hypochodriac worrying about his heart.

"I'm afraid we're going to have to remove your appendix."

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

"You're sure it's a birthmark?"

Illustrated Encyclopedia of Infectious Diseases

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

'I don't like the looks of this - there's nothing wrong.'

'We can't determine if you're telling the truth, but you should have a doctor check your pressure.'

"You're this age and never had surgery? Aren't you curious?"

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

'The medical society says yes, the hospital says maybe and his lawyer says no.'

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'