Medical Issues Pillows

'It's great for reducing White Coat Hypertension.'

"We're to use our imaginary budget to pretend to recruit more nonexistent nurses."

'I had your court case moved up to tomorrow. I want you to look your best.'

'Is there anything worse than waking and going to the bathroom?'

"I just can't sleep with this wrestler's leg syndrome."

"Unfortunately, your plan covers only doctors who couldn't possibly help you in any way."

Wards / Mortuary

"It's not an early warning sign for this year's winter crisis, it's a very VERY early warning sign of NEXT year's."

"Your latest test results indicate that you should accelerate your payments to us."

Geriatrics struggle with a personnel shortage.

"Agh! I've got a bad back!"

Osteoporosis Club: You Must Be This Short.

"Oh happy days are here again."

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

No Immediate Danger

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

'Time for your pills.'

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

'You don't need a colonoscopy, but I'm sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don't like you.'

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."

Infected Macron

"I'm referring you to an old gypsy woman."

'I'm having my colon checked.'

'You're going to have to give up painting ceilings, Michelangelo !'

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

'Remember your blood pressure, dear!...the Dr, warned about anything that would anger you, like this divided congress and their inability to compromise on things beneficial to the nation.'

Healthy Eating Casualties

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

'I know it's not around too much this season but I think I have swine flu!'

"He detects disease."

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

Celebration in operating theatre.