Healthcare Issues Pillows

'The bad news is chemo can kill you before the cancer does. The good news is the medical bills and health insurance can kill you before the chemo does.'

"I'm sorry, I can't cure your pain but my bill will certainly take your mind off it."

"Medicare wants its hip back."

'It's bad news, but for a small fee we can make it sound like good news.'

Ambulance strike UK.

"I read that money is dirty and can make people sick."

"You are a hopeless failure Mr Davies but the tablets will make you think your not"

'We could give them advice on cleaning up!' (Bookies looking at headlines about dirty hospitals).

"I've come to visit my husband: he's the one who collapsed outside when he saw the car-parking charges..."

"Your HMO offers a vasectomy for $18,000 or a wedgie by Lennie for $14.95."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Waiting for the vaccine launch."

vaccine wars.

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

A midwife holding a baby

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."