Medical Insurance Gifts

'We need your views on cost-benefit and risk-benefit.'

'Is there a treatment for insurance headache?'

'You'll be up and out of here in no time. They just found out you're not covered by medical insurance.'

"I'm sorry, but I believe I'm now way out of your network."

'Intensive and or expensive care?'

'It didn't make sense until I conferred with your financial planner.'

'I give you five years but your insurance company gives you one.'

"My D.I.Y. health insurance will pay for the surgery, but I have to take out the stitches myself."

"I scheduled you for a workshop on insurance forms followed by a workshop on stress."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

Obama Healthcare.

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

Healthy Patients Only

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."